Festivus For The Rest of Us!

Festivus yes! Bagels no! Festivus is the holiday for the rest of us. Technically, I'm late for Festivus. It is to be celebrated every December 23rd. Yet on this day, the 25th, I thought I would go ahead and post on it.

Frank Costanza is credited with creating the holiday of Festivus. In case you are not familiar with Festivus, you can learn a little about it here.

Basically it's a celebration involving an aluminum pole, an airing of grievances you may have against someone, which then culminates into the feats of strength (a wrestling match). You exchange gifts, but only of things you do not want and that you are pretty sure the recipient would not want either. With all the good cheer surrounding us these days, it's nice to have a holiday like Festivus. I mean, how often is an accepted practice for you to list the disappointments you have with someone and then read them aloud for them to think about?

Then, there's the Festivus Fruitcake!

"Corn Cob" Lankford and the Jelmore's in the legendary feats of strengths.


So buy a pole, make it stand up, and your party is good to go. I hope everyone has a happy Festivus!

Michael Douglas, Bob Barker, and Chuck Norris (oh yes, all three in one blog)

In case a few senior citizens weren't watching their evening news the other night, they would have missed the debut of the voice of Michael Douglas introducing the NBC Nightly News. I know, right, who cares? I really don't either. It's a little absurd, to be entirely honest. A shameless publicity stunt to get the news in, well, the news. Is Gordan Gekko really going to bring more viewers to the evening news by introducing it each night? Probably not.

I know no one really watches the evening news much anymore. Until last year when I bought my iPod, I hadn't see an episode for years. Then, I got a couple of podcasts of the NBC news just because they were free and I thought it would be a little cool to watch the news on my iPod while driving down the Interstate (safe, no?). Problem was, I watched a couple of episodes and remembered why I hadn't watched in years.

I got to thinking however (something I do too often), what other personalities could they have chosen to introduce the evening news? Surely there were better candidates.

• Rod Roddy - Granted, he's dead. But he would have made for a much more exciting opening to the evening news with, "Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan Williams!! Come on down!"
• Ed McMahon - Another excellent choice that would have woke up nursing homes everywhere. "Heeerrrre's Brian!"
• Bob Barker - He's popular in the women under 30 demographic (still!), and I hear he's out of work these days.
• Michael Vick - He has lot's of time (oh yes, that pun was intentional) on his hands these days. Besides he's only number two on the pet's most hated list. Number one is Bob Barker.
• Dick Vitale - It's true that he's had throat surgery and won't be able to talk much for a couple of months, but he'd be a great lead-in to the NBC Nightly News. "Live from Rockefeller Center in New York, tt's the NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams, baby!! He's awesome baby!!"
• Emilio Estevez - What? Michael Douglas wasn't just a random celebrity? Besides, he looks like Michael, sounds like Michael, and is a lot younger. So he'd be able to do if for years to come!

Just saying.

On another ridiculous note. Chuck Norris has just sued publisher Penguin for printing a book of Chuck Norris "facts". Why? Because his tears do not cure cancer. Think I'm making this up? Go see for yourself - "Chuck Norris sues, says his tears no cancer cure".

Can no one take a joke anymore?

Foto Finish Friday

Uh oh..., originally uploaded by jonSpot.

*Each Friday an interesting photo is selected to end the week on.

Hey Man, Nice Shot!

Things I Learned Today

1. Sometimes the best course of action is patience. Things will sort themselves out, especially when it's really completely out of your control.
2. Just because you're black, doesn't mean you can ball. In case you haven't noticed, I'm white. So I'm obviously not talking about myself.
   
3. I need to answer some e-mails. I'm really bad about that, guys. Yes, I'm talking to you in South Korea. I've always wanted a T-shirt that says "Seoul's got soul." Is that possible? I will write you soon though...
   
4. People tend to overstate things when they have an agenda they deeply want you, and everyone else to buy in to. I intend to elaborate more on this in a different post in the future.
5. It's been a few days since my last post. I've been a busy fellow.
   
6. I dislike The NFL Network more when a team I care about is playing on it. Still not going to pay for it, NFL. Might as well give up.
7. Listening to Weezer all day at work will make you want to wear black rimmed glasses. Well, maybe not you.
8. A silent Dick Vitale means I can watch more college basketball with sound!
9. Guster (the band) is underrated.
   
10. This has been a mediocre entry, at best. It seemed like a much better idea in the beginning. Your loss.
    

Foto Finish Friday

Service Wash, originally uploaded by 01101001 01100001 01101110.

*Each Friday an interesting photo is selected to end the week on.

Me and Vin Diesel Have Something In Common: Pitch Black

Sunday morning wasn't a typical one for me when I awoke and found my power out. Little did I know it was going to be a less than typical next few days. In case you haven't been paying attention to the weather or news, we've been pummeled by ice over the last couple of days. Living life without the most basic of necessities sure makes things interesting really quick. Not to mention thankful for those things we take for granted most. Like a warm shower and lights once the sun goes down.

Much of the Missouri southwest has been in darkness for the last couple of days. Same for much of Oklahoma. It was one of the oddest storms I have ever experienced. It rained more than anything, and then the temperatures would dip below freezing causing everything to freeze over. Trees toppled and branches snapped everywhere. They would then fall on power lines and that caused a mass blackout. Monday night was ridiculous. I needed gas, but no gas stations were open that I could find. I looked into the night sky and saw about the only light in the foggy sky that could be seen (not counting all of the cars everywhere). I headed in that direction. I found Wal-Mart, Wendy's, and Back Yard Burger lit up. Not exactly what I was looking for. There were lines out the doors of about the only two fast food joints open in town because people couldn't cook. I finally just decided to go home and hope to find a gas station open the next morning. I found one near my place that was lit up. Lines at the pumps were four to five cars deep and they were only accepting cash (Internet services were down for credit and debit cards). Not only that, they would take your cash wait for you to walk to your car and have the pump in your hand before they turned them on. Why? Because people were grabbing the pumps and filling up their cars before you could get back to yours! It was insanity. So many people become jerks when things like this occur. It irritates me. When at home, there was nothing much to do but wrap up in all the clothing possible, cover up and go to bed.

On Monday morning I fumbled around getting ready for work with only the help of my trusty Mag-lite. When I went outside it was pitch black. In the distance I could hear branches and trees occasionally fall to the ground as I scrapped the ice off my windshield. As I was about to get into my truck a light from an explosion lit up the night from across the river. It was a transformer blowing, I assumed.

So here I am today. My electricity is back. My Internet is up and running, and I am thankful for everything just a little bit more than I had been before. How did people ever live without the aid of electric? Of course, I guess you could say they didn't. Their life expectancy was closer to 55.

Foto Finish Friday

On the 1st of November, originally uploaded by xylonets.

5 Reasons Winter Is Bad For Your Health

The temperature has finally dropped. It has rained and sleeted most of the day. It should be a nice sheet of ice in the morning. Since I arise for work at a ridiculous hour (the sun isn't even dreaming of coming out), I fully expect to do some sliding around and whatnot. December, and probably more notably, winter has arrived.

I've said it before and I expect I'll say it again. I'm not a fan of winter. Maybe someday I'll do something about that and move to a place where the winters are bearable. By bearable, I mean any place that never goes below fifty degrees.


5 Reasons Winter Is Bad For Your Health

1. Excess clothing. The ridiculous amount of clothing one often has to wear to stay warm during the winter months can cause many problems. Among them are blood clots. I know that sounds absurd, but think about all the layers of clothing you're piling on! That can't be good for keeping the blood flowing! It restricts your movement. No movement due to excess clothing equals blood clots. I'm convinced of it, so don't argue with me about science. Remember Ralphy's brother in that move A Christmas Story? His mother piled on the clothing and soon he was screaming, "I can't put my arms down!" Blood clots, man.
   
2. The blues. I'm not talking Muddy Waters here. That's not so bad. Let's face it. The long winter months can be depressing. Winter is full of short days and long nights. It has the cold that keeps you indoors as well. These things and more add up to more depression than an emo kid could possibly fantasize about. There's a reason there are more people suffering from depression per capita in Seattle, where it rains and is dark all the time. Oh yeah, and did I mention it gets cold and snowy there?
   
3. Shoveling snow. Old people die from it every year.
4. Car wrecks. Do I even need to convince you of this? Too many people who don't know how to drive on ice and/or snow drive on ice and/or snow. Here's a tip: You don't keep hitting your brakes!
   
5. Christmas music. It's December 6th, and I've had enough. If I hear one more carol it might just be bad for someone else's health. Alright, I'll admit that's a little overboard. In all seriousness though, I am sure there is a direct correlation between Christmas music and the flu. Don't believe me? Let's try a winter without Christmas music. We'd probably rid ourselves of the flu. Since we've never thought to try it before, I'd say it's worth a shot. Think of the lives you'd make more comfortable by ridding winter of that dreaded music! Oh yeah, and the flu!
   

Shot Through the Heart, and You're (BCS) to Blame

Like a naive boyfriend, burned by his old girlfriend yet another time, I've been taken advantage of again. My hopes had been brought up to levels they hadn't been in years. In the end however, it happened just like I knew deep down that it would. I wanted to believe the BCS would work this time. I was a fool.

I'd gone a few years without caring anymore. I'd gotten over the BCS and college football as a whole. Each year would pass by, and I'd hear about Missouri or some other school that was playing half way decent but I'd ignore the stories. As if I was hearing about that old girlfriend and her new boyfriends. I was indifferent. A sure sign that I had finally gotten over college football.

Then, it happened. She came back. She came back, looking so much better than before. I resisted at first. Sure, my Missouri Tigers were playing well and were ranked, but I tried to resist at the beginning of the year. Then KU came out of no where, along with some other teams. I saw in the first few weeks #1's and #2's getting beat. I liked what I saw. She lured me back in. She told me it would be different this time. Somehow this time she wasn't going to rip my heart out again. She sold me a bill of goods, and despite my strongest concerns that I was making a mistake for caring again, I bought it. I convinced myself it would be different this time. I was a fool.

I don't need to sit here and go through all the facts and figures on why Missouri, or other teams were hosed. It's been done a hundred times already. I am simply here to say we're through. It's over. I won't come back next time. You won't convince me it will be different next time, because there will be no next time. I can't go through an entire season to end up angry and upset because the BCS is a bunch of bologna. Wow, I just said "bologna".

Maybe I've been a little over-dramatic here. But I think my point has been made. Until college football implements some form of playoff system I will pick the pieces of my heart up and do my very best to be indifferent once again. I was a fool, but I will never be again.

Foto Finish Friday

heavenly bandit, originally uploaded by Jrtippins.

*Each Friday an interesting photo is selected to end the week on.